In this video, Mother Siluana Vlad uses the metaphor of “banging your head against the wall” to explain the pain of unrequited love. She explains why true Christian love requires two free people and why we must “flee as from the devil” from the obsession of trying to make someone love us.
Mother Siluana Vlad has reposed in the Lord on Tuesday, June 8th, 2021. Her ministry in the Romanian Orthodox Church is impressive. She was the abbess of the Convent of St. Silouan in Iasi, coordinator of the Training and Counseling Center “The Holy Archangels Michael and Gabriel” and through her many conferences she created a bridge between the young generation and the Church.
Conference: “The Stages of Love – From Friendship to Marriage” (Part II), Iași, Romania, 23.11.2017
Video source: doxologia.ro Live stream
Mother Siluana:
Well look, if for example I want to leave a room, and instead of going out the door, I bang my head against the wall hoping that if I strike my head hard enough, the wall will crack and I will get out… The question is, what do I do? Do I strike until it cracks, or do I turn around and leave through the door? Come now, my dear, what is it you love there? There is nothing you can do.
Besides the fact that if you let him go, or if you yourself choose to leave, yes, it could be that the other might say, “Hey, I actually felt good near this person.” But if we crowd one atop the other like this, the important thing on these steps is to make room for the other person as well. It is not right that one loves more and one less, where the one who is loved less constantly pressures the other, asking “Do you love me?” or calling constantly. So, master yourselves in this, sacrifice this impulse and make room for the other, so that love may have a horizon.
So, my dear, that is merely a love of “being in love,” but true love does not exist unless it is reciprocal. The other kind is simply love like this: “I love sausages, I love beans, I love Byzantine music, I love sports, I love Ionel.” That is, he is just “something” there. That is not love. Love is between two free persons who love one another. Flee as from the devil from this false, sickly love—that is, loving someone who does not love you.
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